Angry rambling- I want it all!

Why the hell is it that when you decide that you want something, you really want something, that someone else has to come along and knock you down. I've made a big decision in my life. Kids - done, married - good guy, happy - yes, happy about myself - sort of, so let's work on that. I'm not unlike the many people out there- over what 50% of the North American continent is overweight - so I'm not alone. But my husband isn't. He has a problem keeping the weight on. His but shrunk after Christmas when he got back to work - can you believe that - it shrunk back to what it was pre-Christmas! You know, I think that I found those pounds.

Now, I want to make a decision before I go back to work, and work on my own body. I want to do more than maintain. I want to push it - I want to see some pounds drop! I have the time. I won't come June. I'm going back to work, I have a house to run - then I can do the maintenance. But my husband, just keeps saying that I should do this with baby-steps. Why does he have to make so much sense? Am I'm just pissed because I can't have my way? Probably! But, I want my body back! Okay, I want more than my body back, I want to be sexy again. I have the confidence in me, I walk like I have a million bucks - now I want to look like it. I want people to say - wow, you look great! I want to go into stores and buy from the regular racks, not the plus sizes. It's about time. And all I have to do is push it. But, my husband says - cool it, take it slow. Make it part of your life, not just going crazy. Okay, so will he then take care of the house when I go back to work and take off to go to the gym? Will he do everything that I need to have done around here so I can just take off? NO, I want it all....

... but like usual... I can't have it.

Depressing huh? Well, that's life. That's my life.

Crap.

Rella