Baby thoughts

The weekend is just about here, and of course it's a long weekend, and I have to work! Oh well.... I just keep thinking of the whole year off that I'll have very shortly. No matter. One Canada Day weekend won't kill me.

Yesterday I saw a tiny baby at work. A former co-worker came by to show off her foster daughter. Nearly 4 months old, preemie, and only 6.3pounds or so. Wow! I hadn't seen a kid that small before. Well, not recently anyway. My babes were 8 and 7 pounds. That little girl kept me thinking of the wee thing growing inside me. I hope all is well. My biggest fear is that this one will not be healthy. That I wasn't lucky the third time around. How life would be turned completely upside down by an un-healthy baby. I'm talking brain damage, disfigurement or Down Syndrome. I don't know if I could handle that one. I'm sure that given time I could, but initially I'm sure that I would break down in my hormonal state, and be unable to function for a time. But, I try not to think about that part of the possibilities. I think of the days and nights that this wee one will need me, and the sleepless nights. It's only a short time that exists, that part of the journey is short - to end up with a child that can communicate and state that they truly love you - unconditionally. That's what being a parent is all about.

It's funny the third time around. I'm not nervous (not that I ever was), the weeks slip by, and I hardly notice them. October will get here soon enough. I know that sooner or later I'll have to think about newborn baby clothes (which I gave away after DD)... I'll have to think about setting up the crib in the bedroom, and I'll have to think of the multitude of "stuff" that comes with a baby. Hopefully I can get by with the minimum on this one considering that space has gotten smaller with 2 others spreading out their wings and toys all over the house! ;)

But right now, I'm enjoying this belly that is getting harder, firmer and larger. I'm enjoying the kicks and punches to my side. I'm enjoying the fluttering where I swear the baby is tickling me. To know that new life is growing inside you... it's a great thing. I can't believe that I'll be able to experience another miracle in this world - because in the end... that's what it is.

Rella